The Phrases given by My Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You require some help. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger failure to talk between men, who still internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a respite - spending a short trip away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."